American Cancer Society's Relay for Life: Santa Monica, CA July 10, 2010

I promised Kelli that I would walk with her in honor of Jack Perkins (Her Dad and who I like to call my Godfather) months before I found out I have Cancer. I had no clue how meaningful this walk would have on my life. Mike was there along with my parents, Shira (my twiny), her hubby Scott, and my girls Kari (karbear), Colleen (Coco), Shelby (STC), and Libby (libbylove).

Walking with Cancer survivors, and others who presently have Cancer was surreal. All I could think about during that day was, Do I really have Cancer? Am I supposed to wear this purple Survivor shirt to tell the world that I am sick? That I could die? Or am I supposed to wear this shirt in pride, that I too will be a Survivor one day, who will be walking along the other purple shirts, cheering and smiling that I am cured of this disease. I know that I am not even at that stage of being Cancer free. Tears came to my eyes as reality was settling in. I am only at the beginning and I have a long way to go.

I think that was the first moment I realized that I was different. As I continued to walk each lap with Mike and everyone else, I kept seeing the familiar faces around me. Even though this helped me, there were so many others who I did not know. It was hard to surround myself with strangers... I wonder if they were they thinking...look at the girl in the purple shirt who has Cancer.

I felt more and more helpless. I continued to walk thinking that, if I ever stopped walking this track, will this mean that I will never be cured? Negative thoughts are typically not what would ever come into my mind at any given moment, however during that day, I felt like I was walking into an abyss. An unknown world of fear, anxiety and sadness.

We were there to support my bestie Kelli, but in the end, I believe it was also to support me. A world that I have known for 31 years is no longer the same world I have grown to love and know. Since July 1st, I really do stop and think about what is important to me and how my life will be changed for the better. I also do not take anything for granted.

Have you recently stood outside and felt the wind brush against your face, rushing through your hair? Have you taken the time to really smell those fresh strawberries, and taste how they are so organically delicious. Have you taken the time to embrace your family, friends and pets closer and tell them how you really feel? These precious moments of life are ever so meaningful. It is so important to take time for the little things, because in a blink of a moment, life can, and will change forever.

My only regret is that I did not walk the track with my father, however at the end of the day I started to smile. I am so lucky to be me.